Embracing bitterness on the road to finding freedom

I am going to share something many of you may not know about me. I am an amazing builder. I build fantastic walls that rival the likes of the Great wall in China, the walls of Barcelona, or the great walls of Cairo.

The only difference is my walls surround my something much more valuable...my heart. I will not go into why I do this, but suffice to say it is a very effect protective mode that I embrace any time I am in danger of being hurt. I find it far easier to shut off any emotional connection than to deal with whatever it is that is threatening me. Clearly this pattern is not glorifying to God. Nor trusting in His ability to escort me through the circumstances I find myself in.

Through a series of events, God has been speaking to me loudly about this issue. Roots have a funny way of finding ways through seemly impenetrable places. Case in point, my heart. For the past couple of years, we have been dealing with something that I thought I had been handling very well and because of my wall, I was able to deceive myself. This past week however, I have seen how some roots have made their way in. Roots of the most destructive type. Roots of bitterness. In my case unforgiveness. Hebrews 12:15 talks about the roots of bitterness and how they spring up and cause trouble, and by it many become defiled. One thing we are learning as we minister, is that bitterness is very destructive in the life of a believer and in a church. Because of the walls I create though, I didn't even realize I had been hurt and that over time that hurt turned sour and bitter. I thank Jesus that He has shown me this before the reaches of this are too great to overcome.

I am teaching this week in the prison on bitterness and forgiveness. It is funny how God always teaches me far more than I teach anyone else. I do love that about our relationship with Him. He wants us to be conformed into the image of His Son and He is relentless in His efforts if we are willing.

I think in general I am a very forgiving person, I don't hold grudges easily and I usually just let go. One of the ways that I knew I had been changed by the saving power of the gospel is that I let go of all the anger and bitterness I had held onto for years in the matter of a day. I was free. I realize now of course, that holding onto it did nothing to change the other person, it only put me into a prison and held me there choking out any chance I had at being free. But then Christ entered my life and I was able to let it all go. I have tried to remember throughout my walk with Jesus that as I have been forgiven much, so must I also forgive (Col 3:13). For the most part, I have been able to do this but then God is showing things like this in my heart right now and it breaks me. It reminds my of the depth of my sinful heart and brings me to my knees in repentance.

I realize than in order to clean out the roots that have taken hold, I must let the walls down, accept that I have been hurt, go immediately to the only One who can comfort, heal, restore, and then... let it go and walk in the freedom that comes in forgiveness.

I share this with you in the hopes that you will search out your own heart and ask God to reveal any roots that have taken up residence. I share this as a way to be healed (James 5:16) and ask you to pray that God would do a work in my heart. I share this with you to ask you to pray that the work that the Lord does in my heart would open up floodgates in our midst here and allow a deep work of forgiveness and healing to be done. I share this with you so that He may be glorified as we all witness the power of a sinner being set free once again through His grace.